“… Trying to forget my feelings of love
Teardrops rolling down on my face
Trying to forget my feelings of love.”
Nothing more than feelings!? Don’t we trivialise our feelings ‘waaaay’ too often? Feelings are a big part of who we are and it is behind the reasons of the decisions we make. (Duh!)
Anyways, I hope to not be blasé in my story-telling so please bear with me and not think I’m pious, pompous or pitiful. Well, probably pitiful *rolls eyes*.
So here’s one of my stories on some of my feelings (most unnamed) – that I’ve tried to forget…with what I think has been with way too many tears…:
Okay, so once upon a time (it was either 2007 or 2008), I met someone who wanted to know me; but the desire wasn’t mutual. Sorry? What happened was self-doubt with emotional and mental baggage from a previous relationship that constituted my feelings at the time when I ignored his seemingly sincere interest in me.
This man was brilliant, strong, athletic, a Christ-follower, tall, handsome, had a peculiar accent, assertive, a tech-nerd… (le sigh) But I didn’t see that then, unfortunately, because of my feelings. ‘Just feelings!?’ Yeah…
But should we really dare to consider the possibility of a relationship with that combination of baggage? To be fair, I used wisdom and did not give him a second thought – and well…I was really just into my feelings. Important feelings, nonetheless!
Years passed and that second thought gently nudged me (actually, it shooked me) but this time it was his feelings that were in the way. Maybe he still felt slighted by me shunning his gentle advances?!? 🙂
Well, it has been over than 10 years since our initial encounter and I still haven’t forgotten him (and the Lord knows that I have tried to). I’m still melancholic looking down memory lane thinking about him and what could’ve been if we tried getting to know each other back then but these feelings, very powerful feelings…still haunt me. Our feelings just keep blocking our way (or just my way because his feelings might just be of nonchalance now though – lol) so now I am still trying to forget these feelings… of love (le sigh).
(Stay tuned for more of my self-therapeutic blogposting on ‘feelings’.)